The demand for the “superwoman” is an old story and a new one, and I believe that women of all ages are familiar with the demands to perform well on all fronts. It is somehow part of the social structure and embedded in the national psyche that the “Icelandic woman” is healthy, strong and never gives up. Of course, she is so hardworking! The image has changed so naturally over the years. Now we get the comparison directly into our veins from social media. This way, the comparison with others, which has always been there, becomes so much more noticeable and accessible. We only have to look at our phones to see women who are doing much better than us. Are taking on a new crazy job, are running Laugavegur, fishing in crazy salmon fishing rivers, enjoying the Tene with a gorgeous family who are smiling. Of course, we all know that social media shows a glossy image. However, this comparison bothers many people.
In my work, I meet many women who experience this all-encompassing pressure to perform well. To be perfect, literally. Both in the workplace and in their personal lives. Many associate it with the symptoms of perfectionism. But what exactly does perfectionism mean?
As with many concepts in psychology, scholars disagree on how best to define perfectionism. But in general, perfectionism is considered to be a strong need to excel, to set high standards for oneself in terms of performance, but also to base one’s self-worth on how well one achieves those standards, which are often very unrealistic. Perfectionism is sometimes divided into two, namely the more positive side of perfectionism ( adaptive perfectionism ) and the more negative side of perfectionism ( maladaptive perfectionism ). Perfectionism is not considered a mental disorder or illness, but rather a personality trait that follows us throughout life. However, its effects can be less pronounced at different stages of life. In addition, phenomena such as social media can greatly encourage this tendency.
Young women in the workplace often feel the pressure to do well at work. But the pressure is also there in their private lives. To do well as mothers, to look good, to be healthy, to laugh with friends and drink Aperol, to travel and in general this huge pressure to “enjoy”.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do well and having healthy ambitions. But when we start basing our self-esteem on how well we manage to meet unrealistic demands, we start to run into problems. What often happens is that we start to focus on goals we haven’t achieved, rather than the ones we have. So when we achieve goals, we downplay the success or immediately shift our focus to the next lofty goal. We even start to avoid or abandon tasks for fear of failure. It’s not unlikely that common side effects of perfectionism will start to appear, such as anxiety, depression, and burnout.
It is therefore important to kick things up a notch. Focus on the positive and what we have achieved. Let’s stop setting unrealistic goals and avoid associating our self-image with these unrealistic demands. Let’s spend less time on social media and just continue to do our best in a complex world, no matter what it looks like.
